There’s a moment every parent knows all too well: you’re standing in the middle of the supermarket, your child is on the floor, tears streaming, voice rising… and you’re caught between panic, embarrassment, and a desperate wish for it all to stop.
We’ve all been there.
And the big question on every parent’s mind in those moments is — how do I handle tantrums without losing my own calm too?
You’re not alone in asking that.
In fact, it’s one of the most common struggles we hear from parents every single day.
So today, I want to walk you through a softer, more connected approach to handling tantrums, and one that doesn’t expect perfection from you or your child.
In this post, I’m going to share some tools, techniques, and a whole lot of encouragement, inspired by my beautiful conversation with Dr. Gila, a clinical psychologist, parenting coach, and single mum who teaches “Parenting with Connection, Not Perfection.” (You can check out the full conversation I had with Dr Gila on the podcast episode here) — it’s packed with gold!
Let’s dive in.
When Tantrums Happen: You Are Not Failing
First, Dr. Gila gently reminds us: A tantrum doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. And it certainly doesn’t mean your child is “naughty” or “difficult.”
A tantrum is simply a storm of emotions that your child doesn’t yet have the tools to handle. And sometimes, truth be told, it’s a storm we don’t feel equipped for either.
I still remember a time when my youngest had a full-on meltdown right before we were about to leave for a family day out, one the whole family had been looking forward to for ages. Shoes flying, tears everywhere… and my patience slowly slipping away. I felt so frustrated… and helpless.
In that moment, I just wanted a quick fix… a magic phrase to make it all stop. But with time and experience (I now have three girls!), and with guidance from people like Dr. Gila, I’ve come to realise that handling tantrums isn’t about “fixing” our kids. It’s about truly “connecting” with them.
Connection Over Correction
Dr. Gila’s approach really resonates with me. Instead of rushing to correct behaviour, she encourages us to focus first on connection.
When a child is having a tantrum, they aren’t being “bad” — they’re overwhelmed. Their little brains are flooded with feelings, and they can’t reason or problem-solve in that state.
Here’s what Dr. Gila suggests (and what has truly shifted things for me and my family too):
- Stay Calm: Your calm nervous system helps your child’s overwhelmed one. Take a deep breath, lower your voice, soften your body.
- Validate Their Feelings: Instead of jumping to “Stop it!” or “You’re fine,” try something like, “You’re feeling so upset right now. It’s okay to feel that way. I’m here.”
- Offer Presence, Not Solutions: Sometimes they don’t need you to fix it. They need you to sit with them, be near them, and love them through it.
How you handle tantrums is not about overpowering them, but about meeting your child where they are emotionally, offering patience, empathy, and connection.
Tools and Techniques You Can Use
Here are a few simple tools that you can start using today to handle tantrums with more connection:
1. The Pause Button
When you feel yourself getting triggered, imagine an actual pause button. Stop, breathe, ground yourself before responding. Even a few deep breaths can change the whole energy of the situation.
2. Label Emotions
Help your child name what they’re feeling:
“It looks like you’re really frustrated because we have to leave the park.”
Naming emotions helps children make sense of their inner world and reduces their overwhelm.
3. Gentle Touch
If your child is open to it, a gentle hand on their back, a hug, or even just sitting close by can be deeply reassuring.
Touch says: You are safe. I am here.
4. After the Storm
Once the big feelings have passed, reconnect again. Talk about what happened without shame:
“That was really tough, wasn’t it? You were feeling so upset. I’m really proud of how you calmed yourself down.”
This builds trust and emotional safety over time.
Give Yourself Grace Too
Learning how to handle tantrums isn’t just about helping your child. It’s also about being gentle with yourself.
You are human. You will sometimes lose your temper, say the wrong thing, or feel overwhelmed… and that’s okay. As Dr. Gila reminds us, parenting is not about being perfect — it’s about building connection through all the messy, beautiful, chaotic moments. And guess what? Every time you come back to connection — even after a rough moment, you’re strengthening the bond with your child.
You’re showing your kiddo’s what love looks like… and that is everything!
Why M.Y.T.E is Here for You and Your Child
At M.Y.T.E, we believe in exactly this kind of gentle, real support — for kids, teens, and the adults who love them.
Our programmes are designed to help children and teenagers build emotional resilience, self-awareness, and confidence — so they can face life’s challenges with strength, hope, and a sense of inner calm.
We teach practical tools for handling big emotions, overcoming self-doubt, and developing a strong, loving relationship with themselves. Because just like you, we know that children don’t need to be “perfect”… they need to feel safe, seen, and supported as they grow into their true selves.
If you’d like to learn more about how our programmes can support your child or teen, you can visit us at: www.mytemission.com
The way we respond to our children’s emotions shapes their ability to navigate their own. By showing up with love and patience, we give them the tools to grow through anything.